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in the end, we went to joce's hse to do ss project. spent ard 1/2minute doing it. haha. listened to music, danced, sang, talked, laughed, and played. hahaha. we were all squeezing onto joce's bed. hahaha. and tickling and kicking. hahahaha. i think the three of us are just as ticklish. and when me and nic lied together on the bed, joce will come pouncing on us and simply squished btw us. hahaha. so the three of us lied there squishing each other. lol. and nic seems to forever be the one being suffocated. haha. ate lunch and finished watching sisterhood of the travelling pants. god, i love that movie. it's so sentimental.=))) did manymany things there that i will miss a hell lot when we graduate. sigh. and nic will be leaving for america. =((( i'm really scared.. what if sth happens? what if we cant meet at the eiffel tower when we're 25 cos of some problems? what if we lose contact? what if in the way to paris sth happens? what if one of us dies first? what if we fight and never make up? not that we fight, but still.. what if? okay.. i think i'm worrying too much, as usual. but i cant help it. i learnt from one too many experiences that when i put all my hope on it, it'll never happen. sigh. time really flies. it scares. sooner before i know it, i'll be sitting for Os. then nic will leave. urghh. it's already almost half-year?! omg. doesnt even feel like it i dont believe i've been holding on for almost a year. i didnt know that i can fall in so freaking deep, until after 10 months, i'm not out yet. that's mad. actually, i dont know why i'm doing this to myself. what do i get in return? ugh. i've asked myself this question abt a zillion times. i know, yet i dont do anything abt it. i DID try, i did believe for a while, but after a certain period, i'll go back to THAT state. ugh. pathetic. i wish.. one way or another, i can get out of this state of depression. everything seems to go wrong. i dunno why either. i just want to save myself, cos no one's doing that for me. okay, joce is, but it doesnt work.. ugh. whatever i thought abt yesterday made so much sense, but why am i not doing anything to help myself? and it's like i have NO mood for anything, all i wanna do is sleep. i cant even brg myself to go outdoors to exercise. all i do is just lift weights and crunches and whatever shit AT HOME. without doing any freaking cardio.god. i still have unfinished homework, but i'm not doing it,even if i have time. i just ...have no mood. rahh. irritating. omgg, i'm feeling fucking miserable. WHY! omg. i'm so stupid.....UGHH.that was how it all started.. omgggg. why cant i just stop lying to myself, and really GENUINELY freaking GIVE UP?! i cant!!! omg. i dont want you to affect my mood so easily! urgh. i wish i can just be like, "so?" instead of getting worked up. and be sad. and angry, at myself and everyone else, and jealous like dunno what shit. part of me want it to be like last time, when everything so so normal, but this teeny part of me just wished that " last time" didnt happen at all. but that's a very very small part. but both wishes are impossible. so what the bloody hell am i talking abt.
