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29 March, 2006
9:12 PM
haha. i have no self-control at all. told myself i wont come online this whole week but i did. haha.
god. why am i such a coward?? i dont even dare to do a simple thing like THAT! argh!! i cant do any frigging thing right?! omg. i'm bloody useless. i think i did badly for amath test. got distracted and stuff and i just wasnt thinking straight! so obviously i didnt concentrate on the ca. fuck.
after that. i felt like SHIT. diaried in my notebook. seriously felt like crying. everything's going WRONG. nothing TODAY was right. like every freaking minute of the day i felt like crap. like a useless good-for-nothing coward. i would be better off dead.
haha my dream last night was seriously WEIRD! it began like our class had some educational trip so we went out of singapore. me nic joce shared a hotel room. we were very excited and all that.
then we had to go into the sea. the weather was really nice. not too cloudy, not too hot. then i turned ard and saw this beautiful array of clouds. they were all so low to the sea and so puffy. looked like flowers. i rmb telling joce and we were oohing and aahing at them. then we listened to whatever the instructor was saying. and i turned behind again, and saw these HUGE giant waves. like 10 storeys high. suddenly occured to me that it was a tsunami. was really scared out of my wits. we were in the middle of the ocean and there was definitely no way out. i screamed. felt so hopeless. i rmb nic crying. joce for some reason or the other, asked us to take cover under the wave nearest to us. it was sand beneath our feet even though we were in the middle of the ocean. i was thinking and praying HARD that i wont die there and then. drowning wasnt the way i wanted to die. i've always been scared of the waters and like when i watch movies when ppl are drowning,i cant sit still. i'd jump all over the place and feel what they are feeling. even though i'm safe and dry at home. i was hysterical cos i didnt get to tell someone sth yet. i couldnt stop crying. then the waves hit us. it just crashed on us. the ten storey waves.miraculously, we didnt die. i rmb struggling to stay afloat and gasping and spitting out the seawater. there was 5 of us. even though the whole class came. i forgot who else other than nic and joce.
isnt that really strange? why would i dream that? nic said sth like when i think i'm going to die, i'll survive through it. vidhu said that the only way across things is THROUGH it. i thought that maybe i'm missing the obvious hints in life. like those clouds. i should've thought sth was wrong right? instead of just gawking at it, stupidly. haha i think all three guesses make a lot of sense. it's exactly like what i'm going through now. but a tsunami?? what a wierd example. haha. but then agn, half of my dreams came true. and they were ALL negative. this cant possibly come true right..? it's too major an issue.
isnt it?
god. why am i such a coward?? i dont even dare to do a simple thing like THAT! argh!! i cant do any frigging thing right?! omg. i'm bloody useless. i think i did badly for amath test. got distracted and stuff and i just wasnt thinking straight! so obviously i didnt concentrate on the ca. fuck.
after that. i felt like SHIT. diaried in my notebook. seriously felt like crying. everything's going WRONG. nothing TODAY was right. like every freaking minute of the day i felt like crap. like a useless good-for-nothing coward. i would be better off dead.
haha my dream last night was seriously WEIRD! it began like our class had some educational trip so we went out of singapore. me nic joce shared a hotel room. we were very excited and all that.
then we had to go into the sea. the weather was really nice. not too cloudy, not too hot. then i turned ard and saw this beautiful array of clouds. they were all so low to the sea and so puffy. looked like flowers. i rmb telling joce and we were oohing and aahing at them. then we listened to whatever the instructor was saying. and i turned behind again, and saw these HUGE giant waves. like 10 storeys high. suddenly occured to me that it was a tsunami. was really scared out of my wits. we were in the middle of the ocean and there was definitely no way out. i screamed. felt so hopeless. i rmb nic crying. joce for some reason or the other, asked us to take cover under the wave nearest to us. it was sand beneath our feet even though we were in the middle of the ocean. i was thinking and praying HARD that i wont die there and then. drowning wasnt the way i wanted to die. i've always been scared of the waters and like when i watch movies when ppl are drowning,i cant sit still. i'd jump all over the place and feel what they are feeling. even though i'm safe and dry at home. i was hysterical cos i didnt get to tell someone sth yet. i couldnt stop crying. then the waves hit us. it just crashed on us. the ten storey waves.miraculously, we didnt die. i rmb struggling to stay afloat and gasping and spitting out the seawater. there was 5 of us. even though the whole class came. i forgot who else other than nic and joce.
isnt that really strange? why would i dream that? nic said sth like when i think i'm going to die, i'll survive through it. vidhu said that the only way across things is THROUGH it. i thought that maybe i'm missing the obvious hints in life. like those clouds. i should've thought sth was wrong right? instead of just gawking at it, stupidly. haha i think all three guesses make a lot of sense. it's exactly like what i'm going through now. but a tsunami?? what a wierd example. haha. but then agn, half of my dreams came true. and they were ALL negative. this cant possibly come true right..? it's too major an issue.
isnt it?
27 March, 2006
10:05 PM
you make me blind to the world.
26 March, 2006
10:25 PM
HEELLLLLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! =))))))
Today was the lastEST lesson for chem!! yeah man!!!!! finally!! =D
i was counting down every fifteen minutes till one. haha. there were six fifteen minutes altogether. 11.30 to 1. haha. only the last fifteen minutes then i really pay attention. lol. when it ended, i was beaming like shit. haha. damn happy. my sundays will be FREE!!=)
had lunch at some thai restaurant at siglap. i think it's lemongrass. then went to dana's hse for english project. i was HALF AN HOUR late yet i was the earliest! haha. so i sat at the lounge with dana and chatted. =) then fiona came. she entered and her first words are, "Hello steph. The witch." =O!! haha. wth? so mean right. haha then we got down to work. there was no internet connection for some shit reason, so went to the reading room. also dont have. i think the problem lies with my laptop. haha. then after like 1 plus hr, went to dana's hse to use her com. haha finally got work done. =)) not completed yet though. sigh. think we started too late.=( and we wasted a lot of time talking too. haha.
why is it so IMPOSSIBLE?? i wish i was braver. effeffeffeffeffeffeffinghell!!!!!
ohya, just now i was on the phone with joce and she was being annoying as usual so i "shushed" her and she whined back, "You dont come and shh me???" hahahahhahaha in that cute baby voice!!!!! wish i recorded it. haha.
Today was the lastEST lesson for chem!! yeah man!!!!! finally!! =D
i was counting down every fifteen minutes till one. haha. there were six fifteen minutes altogether. 11.30 to 1. haha. only the last fifteen minutes then i really pay attention. lol. when it ended, i was beaming like shit. haha. damn happy. my sundays will be FREE!!=)
had lunch at some thai restaurant at siglap. i think it's lemongrass. then went to dana's hse for english project. i was HALF AN HOUR late yet i was the earliest! haha. so i sat at the lounge with dana and chatted. =) then fiona came. she entered and her first words are, "Hello steph. The witch." =O!! haha. wth? so mean right. haha then we got down to work. there was no internet connection for some shit reason, so went to the reading room. also dont have. i think the problem lies with my laptop. haha. then after like 1 plus hr, went to dana's hse to use her com. haha finally got work done. =)) not completed yet though. sigh. think we started too late.=( and we wasted a lot of time talking too. haha.
why is it so IMPOSSIBLE?? i wish i was braver. effeffeffeffeffeffeffinghell!!!!!
ohya, just now i was on the phone with joce and she was being annoying as usual so i "shushed" her and she whined back, "You dont come and shh me???" hahahahhahaha in that cute baby voice!!!!! wish i recorded it. haha.
25 March, 2006
6:25 PM
effedupshit. i'm going through the same bloody period. AGAIN. have i not suffered enough? you're forever on my fucking mind. i cant stop thinking of you. i just cant. i try hard okay. but.. i still fail to forget you. why is it so difficult? i already KNOW you're ungettable. then.. WHY THE HELL AM I STILL CLINGING ON?? omg! i'm so dumb! why..=((
i'd love to say that i have forgotten you and let that statement be the truth. when can i EVER do that? it seems so impossible.
and.. wth are YOU trying to fucking do? huh? god, if THAT'S your POINT or aim or goal or whatever shit, it's NOT WORKING okay! maybe you think you're ****** ** *******, but guess what?? YOU'RE NOT. i'm not ******* at all okay. just annoyed. and pissed off. damn. irritating. do you seriously think that by ------- *****, it's gonna affect me? haha. you're really DUMB. stop it man!
i'm really unfocused. my mind keeps drifting back to you. wherever i am. whatever i do. damn. how can i stop?
nothing's working.
i'd love to say that i have forgotten you and let that statement be the truth. when can i EVER do that? it seems so impossible.
and.. wth are YOU trying to fucking do? huh? god, if THAT'S your POINT or aim or goal or whatever shit, it's NOT WORKING okay! maybe you think you're ****** ** *******, but guess what?? YOU'RE NOT. i'm not ******* at all okay. just annoyed. and pissed off. damn. irritating. do you seriously think that by ------- *****, it's gonna affect me? haha. you're really DUMB. stop it man!
i'm really unfocused. my mind keeps drifting back to you. wherever i am. whatever i do. damn. how can i stop?
nothing's working.
21 March, 2006
8:50 PM
yay. i like today's recess. So fun!! me nic joce were like telling each other stuff. like we hate it when the other two do sth. haha. i like it. it makes us closer. =)) actually i dont like it when i have to admit and confess and stuff but it was fun probing. haha. =)) and that BLUR ASS joce kept going "huh?" or "eh?" cos she wants to beat ard the bush. hahahaha. idiot.
dance was in the hall. made my blister worse. and they LACQUERED it. EW!! It was so GROSS and STICKY!! yucks.
it's a one way street. there's no turning back.
dance was in the hall. made my blister worse. and they LACQUERED it. EW!! It was so GROSS and STICKY!! yucks.
it's a one way street. there's no turning back.
20 March, 2006
9:45 PM
wow. first day of school and we know there's so much cas already. WAY to start off term 2. DAMMIT! ugh.
haha nic and joce brought their gigantic boxes to school already. i havent yet. =( so my table's still full and squeezed with books and files. mummy's sending my tmr. so i can brg my box too! hahaha. i took 76 to sch today since daddy's not in town. i was so happy in my seat but i knew i was supposed to accompany joce to walk to sch cos she was carrying her box.i promised her last night already. haha. so i cant back down. i called her to double check she needed me to walk with her. she said "ya." haha. so i got off the bus walking down the damn aisle SIDEWAYS cos of my bigbig bag. =( i was bumping everyone. hahaha. then i saw joce there. and we walked to school together. there was NO breeze at ALL. wth? and i rmb thursday we came to school joce walked she was like advertising the breeze to me and nic. hahahaha.
ohoh you know what!! me and nic survived THREE periods without exchanging a SINGLE word. amazing right?? you know her face was as black as CHARCOAL. Tell me, who will dare to talk to her?? LOL!! her face was so black and her mouth was so thin. hahaha. so i didnt talk to her. hahaha. during recess we started talking cos joce was going ard hitting our shoulders asking "What's up with you?" like dunno how many times. hahaha. then during chi, nic was saying my face was black too and what was up with me. we laughed like hell. comparing faces. she said mine was blacker. and i was like "but you didnt talk to me!" and she say, "because you didnt talk to me what!" we said those two lines ard 20 times la! god. hahahahhaah. and i ended the argument. lol. =) and kailing was sayign it must be cos of low suger intake. haha! cos today we didnt eat any sweets in class.
i didnt eat lunch today! haha yay! i felt so light and springy during dance. and my stomach didnt grumble. not once. =))) but i ate heavy dinner though. we danced in the void deck. the fan was ineffective. perspired like a pig. haha.
then took bus home with jana. i finished my ss essay!! haha finally. still havent started on newsppr yet. =( dunno what to write. damn.
FUCKKIT. STOP. DOING. THAT!! it's seriously pissing me off.
wow. not a word?
haha nic and joce brought their gigantic boxes to school already. i havent yet. =( so my table's still full and squeezed with books and files. mummy's sending my tmr. so i can brg my box too! hahaha. i took 76 to sch today since daddy's not in town. i was so happy in my seat but i knew i was supposed to accompany joce to walk to sch cos she was carrying her box.i promised her last night already. haha. so i cant back down. i called her to double check she needed me to walk with her. she said "ya." haha. so i got off the bus walking down the damn aisle SIDEWAYS cos of my bigbig bag. =( i was bumping everyone. hahaha. then i saw joce there. and we walked to school together. there was NO breeze at ALL. wth? and i rmb thursday we came to school joce walked she was like advertising the breeze to me and nic. hahahaha.
ohoh you know what!! me and nic survived THREE periods without exchanging a SINGLE word. amazing right?? you know her face was as black as CHARCOAL. Tell me, who will dare to talk to her?? LOL!! her face was so black and her mouth was so thin. hahaha. so i didnt talk to her. hahaha. during recess we started talking cos joce was going ard hitting our shoulders asking "What's up with you?" like dunno how many times. hahaha. then during chi, nic was saying my face was black too and what was up with me. we laughed like hell. comparing faces. she said mine was blacker. and i was like "but you didnt talk to me!" and she say, "because you didnt talk to me what!" we said those two lines ard 20 times la! god. hahahahhaah. and i ended the argument. lol. =) and kailing was sayign it must be cos of low suger intake. haha! cos today we didnt eat any sweets in class.
i didnt eat lunch today! haha yay! i felt so light and springy during dance. and my stomach didnt grumble. not once. =))) but i ate heavy dinner though. we danced in the void deck. the fan was ineffective. perspired like a pig. haha.
then took bus home with jana. i finished my ss essay!! haha finally. still havent started on newsppr yet. =( dunno what to write. damn.
FUCKKIT. STOP. DOING. THAT!! it's seriously pissing me off.
wow. not a word?
19 March, 2006
9:30 PM
omg.. i think we really are psychic. really. this aftenoon on the way the cheerleading practice, i had tuition before that so i took the mrt from bishan to city hall. and guess what?? nic had to take from orchard to cityhall, so it's same line and direction. and ENTERED THE SAME TRAIN AND COMPARTMENT AS ME!! LOL!!
perspired like mad during cheerleading practice. =(( that place has no aircon.wahlao.
shopped ALONE after that at raffles city while waiting for my mum and brother to come. after ONE HOUR of waiting, i called everyone and no one answered. my mum's mobile, my brother's, my maid's, my house AND my room. wahlao. wth?? and when my maid picked up after the dunno how many thousandth thime i called, she said she was out. her off day. hm. and then, i called my mum two more times before she picked up and said she arrived. WAHLAO. she said she was in the carpark and there's no reception. haha the word reception reminds me of joce. just now in the bus on the way to tuition she called me to entertain me and we couldnt think of the word "reception" . hahaha! we were saying words like radiation, conception, contraction. lol!
then ate at out of the pan. beside the fountain. wahlao i ate so much!! =(((( damn. like i finished my portion and could still eat desert. tsk. unbelievable. then went to esprit and shopped like mad. spent sucha long time in there. lol. walked in and out of the dressing room dunno how many times. lol. ohoh and i got the esprit member card!! =)) yay! haha.
and just now online me and joce started convo at the SAME TIME!! and we said the EXACT SAME SENTENCE!! AND TALKED ABT THE SAME TOPIC!! lol!! and that topic was RANDOM. omg. psychicness. hahahahaha. =D
perspired like mad during cheerleading practice. =(( that place has no aircon.wahlao.
shopped ALONE after that at raffles city while waiting for my mum and brother to come. after ONE HOUR of waiting, i called everyone and no one answered. my mum's mobile, my brother's, my maid's, my house AND my room. wahlao. wth?? and when my maid picked up after the dunno how many thousandth thime i called, she said she was out. her off day. hm. and then, i called my mum two more times before she picked up and said she arrived. WAHLAO. she said she was in the carpark and there's no reception. haha the word reception reminds me of joce. just now in the bus on the way to tuition she called me to entertain me and we couldnt think of the word "reception" . hahaha! we were saying words like radiation, conception, contraction. lol!
then ate at out of the pan. beside the fountain. wahlao i ate so much!! =(((( damn. like i finished my portion and could still eat desert. tsk. unbelievable. then went to esprit and shopped like mad. spent sucha long time in there. lol. walked in and out of the dressing room dunno how many times. lol. ohoh and i got the esprit member card!! =)) yay! haha.
and just now online me and joce started convo at the SAME TIME!! and we said the EXACT SAME SENTENCE!! AND TALKED ABT THE SAME TOPIC!! lol!! and that topic was RANDOM. omg. psychicness. hahahahaha. =D
14 March, 2006
7:58 PM
ohman. i'm sick. again. fantastic. finally finished sewing cheerleading skirt. =) i attached the last two strips while talking to joce, so the stitches ended out crooked. all her fault. lol. and while talkin to her, i started sneezing like a mad ass until now. why? cos she was sick as well. haha she must've transmitted her sickness to me over the phone. hahaha. and she was damn mean, imitating me sneeze. haha. and we created new laughs!! lol. nic can stick to her hohoho santa claus laugh. =D lol.
today i didnt study AT ALL. and i havent written my newspaper article. dunno how to start. damn. =\ urgh. i feel guilty. maybe i'll do math or chem tuition hw later. i've finished all the sch work except ms hamidah online ss essay and newspaper article. =((
FORGET IT. motherfucker.
today i didnt study AT ALL. and i havent written my newspaper article. dunno how to start. damn. =\ urgh. i feel guilty. maybe i'll do math or chem tuition hw later. i've finished all the sch work except ms hamidah online ss essay and newspaper article. =((
FORGET IT. motherfucker.
13 March, 2006
10:37 PM
woah. i'm super exhausted. me nic joce went out today. SHOPPING!! whee!! haahah. walked a lot. haha. supposed to meet at orchard mrt at 11. sharp. nic came LATE!! fifteen mins. TARDY QUEEN. ahahah.so she treated us the cab fare. lol. walked ard orchard shopping. for damn long. we sat at macs to have lunch. and talked for quite a while too. =)) haha i found out more stuff abt them. yay!
ohoh i finally got my bag!!! although. i dont really like it. lol. it's yellow. at least i got a new one. i'm sick of my black ripcurl. and it's bigger too! haha. i was whining like mad everywhere cos i couldnt find a bag. lol.
then cabbed to suntec to go to carefour to buy a box to store all our books under our tables. so on monday we'll be coming to sch with a GARGANTUAN box each. LOL!! we watched the shaggy dog. hahaha. damn funny and nice!! and nic was cooing over that half dog half toad. me and joce agreed to buy her a tadpole. =)) i liked the show a lot. haha. halfway through the show i rmbed we never bought any roxy stickers to stick on our box. then it'll be so plain. =( oh and this is the first movie the three of us watched together! =)) i realised it during the shots. haha.
after that went to collect and pay for our box then left. it was ard 5 plus. and GUESS WHAT! omg, wme and joce sat there at the bus stop waiting for A WHOLE FREAKING HOUR waiting for 70 WHICH NEVER CAME! OMG!! we were damn PISSED OFF! called sbs to complain. they told us that 70 only goes to that bus stop in the evening ard 7. GREAT! OMG WTH??? the lady told me to go to nicoll highway to wait for a 70 instead. we asked the receptionist where was nicoll highway. made our way there. waited at the bus stop for ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES cos the bus stop said that the bus 70 was a loop round bus! the we were getting impatient and almost walked all the way home. but we didnt have a map so we din walk home after all. but we wanted to walk across the road to wait for 70 cos 70 never came to this bus-stop and as i said, we were getting really impatient and ticked off. then as we were walking,
i said " maybe while we walking now a 70 will drive past us. i'll scream you know. of frustration and anger."
joce nodded and said"YES! i'll scream too-"
"OMG WTH!!!"I SCREAMED.
cos i turned ard to see if i was right. and true enough, A 70 JUST DROVE TO THAT BUS STOP. we ran like mad women hugging our gianormous boxes back to the bus stop. hahahahahah. and it was so empty!!! woots! i was getting ready to sit down but joce said "wait steph!" and she asked the driver if this goes to yiochukang. you know what he said!! "No." wth?? then wtf is the meaning of LOOP??! huh?? jerk. wl. then we sadly got down that bus. walked across the road. by the overhead bridge. was damn scared i would lose my balance and tumble cos of the huge gigantic box i was carrying. haha thank god i didnt. =) and we were damndamndamn amazed at our psychic-ness. ohgod. and joce said, "steph stop making anymore bad predictions."lol. and we were making good ones. haha. but it wont come true. since so far only bad things come true. lol. and as we walked to the bus stop i said, "shit what if 70 is a single decker and we dont get a seat?" then 3 buses came to the busstop. we couldnt see the last two buses. i said, "i think that 70 is behind." joce went to check. guess what. YES. it was the one behind. it was single-deck. we didnt get a seat. ohmy. haha we're super accurate. omg. psychic-ness. haha. i think it's bad. =((
in the bus i was like dozing off. damn tired. when i got off i bumped into everyone! god!! so embarrassing!! with my big enormous box. arghh. oh on the way home i got a msg from my mum saying i have to walk tasha since my brother is sick. right. wtf. i came home and unpacked all my shopping stuff and ate then walked. AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHIT!! my brother refused to let me into the dammit condo la!! he just refused to press that damn button when i called using the phone thing outside. intercom is it? i dunno. he had to call like FIVE PLUS times before he pressed 0 to let me enter okay! omg!! i was huffing. pissed off like shit. SICK STILL CAN PLAY IS IT??? WTF?? when i got home i switched off his room light while he was doing hw cos i know that he's damn scared of the dark. but the toilet light was on, so, it didnt really affect him. nvm. the next time he call me from outside the condo using the intercom, i''ll just HANG UP! and serve him FREAKING RIGHT. jerk. i was tired like hell still have to go and walk tasha and he still got the dammit CHEEK to lock me outside?? WHAT IS THIS! pffft.
anyways tmr morning i'm gg running with mummy. at 6.30. hahaha. damn early. fresh air. =))
ohoh i finally got my bag!!! although. i dont really like it. lol. it's yellow. at least i got a new one. i'm sick of my black ripcurl. and it's bigger too! haha. i was whining like mad everywhere cos i couldnt find a bag. lol.
then cabbed to suntec to go to carefour to buy a box to store all our books under our tables. so on monday we'll be coming to sch with a GARGANTUAN box each. LOL!! we watched the shaggy dog. hahaha. damn funny and nice!! and nic was cooing over that half dog half toad. me and joce agreed to buy her a tadpole. =)) i liked the show a lot. haha. halfway through the show i rmbed we never bought any roxy stickers to stick on our box. then it'll be so plain. =( oh and this is the first movie the three of us watched together! =)) i realised it during the shots. haha.
after that went to collect and pay for our box then left. it was ard 5 plus. and GUESS WHAT! omg, wme and joce sat there at the bus stop waiting for A WHOLE FREAKING HOUR waiting for 70 WHICH NEVER CAME! OMG!! we were damn PISSED OFF! called sbs to complain. they told us that 70 only goes to that bus stop in the evening ard 7. GREAT! OMG WTH??? the lady told me to go to nicoll highway to wait for a 70 instead. we asked the receptionist where was nicoll highway. made our way there. waited at the bus stop for ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES cos the bus stop said that the bus 70 was a loop round bus! the we were getting impatient and almost walked all the way home. but we didnt have a map so we din walk home after all. but we wanted to walk across the road to wait for 70 cos 70 never came to this bus-stop and as i said, we were getting really impatient and ticked off. then as we were walking,
i said " maybe while we walking now a 70 will drive past us. i'll scream you know. of frustration and anger."
joce nodded and said"YES! i'll scream too-"
"OMG WTH!!!"I SCREAMED.
cos i turned ard to see if i was right. and true enough, A 70 JUST DROVE TO THAT BUS STOP. we ran like mad women hugging our gianormous boxes back to the bus stop. hahahahahah. and it was so empty!!! woots! i was getting ready to sit down but joce said "wait steph!" and she asked the driver if this goes to yiochukang. you know what he said!! "No." wth?? then wtf is the meaning of LOOP??! huh?? jerk. wl. then we sadly got down that bus. walked across the road. by the overhead bridge. was damn scared i would lose my balance and tumble cos of the huge gigantic box i was carrying. haha thank god i didnt. =) and we were damndamndamn amazed at our psychic-ness. ohgod. and joce said, "steph stop making anymore bad predictions."lol. and we were making good ones. haha. but it wont come true. since so far only bad things come true. lol. and as we walked to the bus stop i said, "shit what if 70 is a single decker and we dont get a seat?" then 3 buses came to the busstop. we couldnt see the last two buses. i said, "i think that 70 is behind." joce went to check. guess what. YES. it was the one behind. it was single-deck. we didnt get a seat. ohmy. haha we're super accurate. omg. psychic-ness. haha. i think it's bad. =((
in the bus i was like dozing off. damn tired. when i got off i bumped into everyone! god!! so embarrassing!! with my big enormous box. arghh. oh on the way home i got a msg from my mum saying i have to walk tasha since my brother is sick. right. wtf. i came home and unpacked all my shopping stuff and ate then walked. AND YOU KNOW WHAT SHIT!! my brother refused to let me into the dammit condo la!! he just refused to press that damn button when i called using the phone thing outside. intercom is it? i dunno. he had to call like FIVE PLUS times before he pressed 0 to let me enter okay! omg!! i was huffing. pissed off like shit. SICK STILL CAN PLAY IS IT??? WTF?? when i got home i switched off his room light while he was doing hw cos i know that he's damn scared of the dark. but the toilet light was on, so, it didnt really affect him. nvm. the next time he call me from outside the condo using the intercom, i''ll just HANG UP! and serve him FREAKING RIGHT. jerk. i was tired like hell still have to go and walk tasha and he still got the dammit CHEEK to lock me outside?? WHAT IS THIS! pffft.
anyways tmr morning i'm gg running with mummy. at 6.30. hahaha. damn early. fresh air. =))
10 March, 2006
7:53 PM
haha. Just now during chi tuition, i made up my mind. i'll run everyday of the hols. either in the morning or in the evening. at least once a day. so when my reopen agn, i'll be super fit and slim and toned! haha. I started just now. I ran ard my old primary school building to back home. I think i covered at least 2km. haha. =) when i returned home, I was perspiring like mad. haha. drank one cup of water and cooled down for 5 mins before i walked tasha.
I walked another route, since someone followed me the last time. haha. i dare not walk there agn. Anyways. I walked tasha to the playground. where manymany things happened. Tons of memories there. I sat down on the platform where i first learnt to play king's castle. Gen taught us. I sat there and thought. picturing the old times agn. It was also the playground gen left us so abruptly, letting us think that it would be the last time we would see her ever. me and nic were there. we sat under the pyramid in silence for very long, sad like hell.
I rmb when we learnt that gen was leaving, we wanted to spend as much quality time as we could with her. alomost everyday after school, we would go to either joce's or mine and gen's hse playground. =((((( i miss it so damn much. ohgod. Now, i can still rmb the exact same feeling. we did stupid things, sick stuff, complained like hell abt the sun, gossiped like mad, played "laughing game" , truth or dare or just talked. omg.. i miss it so much!!! i would give anything just to rewind time and go back to THAT period. arghh. i videoed or dares and recorded our truths. on my phone. i rmb how we were so reluctant to confess our answers to gen's sick truths. or do those dumb dares we were made to do. omg. i want those times back. so much. and gen edited the song rockabye baby. "Rockabye baby, on the tree top, when the wind blows, the stephy will DROP!!" and push me off the rocking springy horse that i was riding. She videoed that on her phone when we first when to that playground after school when i walked her home. I videoed HER on my phone the 2nd time. and pushed her off the springy horse too. and i videoed everyone too. nic and joce on the swings, joce swinging anyhow-ly and nic swinging super ultra high. Joan on another rocking springy animal, fanning herself with her hand, a scrunched up face cos of the sun. us making fun of what ppl wrote on the playground. i rmb joan and gen snorting at the name "Hongz-squared" Gen was saying "hong hong" in that girly voice. hahahaha. then we'll play catching and fisherman's net and all those childish games. i rmb i partnered joan for fisherman's net and since gen joce nic were uncatchable, me and joan whisper whisper and decided to just split up to catch them. god. so fun. and we were screaming like shit. and gen with her long winded way of playing open numbers. and we complained that she was so "lor-soh". hahaha. gosh. i miss it sooooo much. no words can describe how bad i want those times back. seriously. i was tearing already, so i got off the platform and walked away before i started crying.
but well, people changed, things happened, situations are different. nothing is the same anymore. that's so fucking sad. i really miss it. The day's of sec2. being in 2/5. the loudness of aisha's voice yelling "Good morning" every morning when everyone entered the classroom. my perfect window seat, which i got super excited whenever i breeze blew. crapping with jana non-stop. teasing her. choreographing steps for cheerleading and zany with her. mrs tan and her lameness. the almost stress-free days which we had. staying back everyday to do dramatisation. having the whole of the classroom to ourselves. eating at spc for an hour plus before going back to school to do dramatisation. we will write our whole script on the board and erase cos we feel guilty if anyone enters. we'll video ourselves acting and laugh over it. and continue munching on snacks that we bought from spc. i still kept the ahloke script we acted out for lit. i read through it today. =(((
and the period gen was leaving, we also always go to joce's condo everyday to play. her playground is the BEST. when we played king's castle, gen would use the ladder. nic would use the fireman pole. joce and joan would climb up by the slide. me, i'll use the staircase. cos it's the easiest. and i rmb how we'll yell out in satisfaction when we got onto the platform successfully. ohgod. and we wrote the song "Without Gen" To the tune of billy S. by skye sweetnam, Gen's favourite song then.
and when we go out, gen will always be fickle and take a whole fifteen minutes whether she wanted to buy sth, and then NOT buy it. i rmb the impatient groans we made. and when we took neos, gen will mess some of them up and then refuse to take it cos we dont want. damn!! i want those times back now! plus, that time you were nobody to me. i wasnt sufferring like how i did for eight months plus until now. it was so carefree, those days. our shopping trips, our photoshoots, our games, etcetc. everything was fun. everything. i wanna re-live last year. go back in time.
And during gen's farewell party, after we sang the song "without gen" and "gen loves boobs" to the tune of barney, i rmb how we cried like shit in the PANTRY. and we went to the toilet to cry somemore. hugging everybody. begging gen NOT to go. the sleepover. omgggg.=(((((((((
and the day that gen left. 1st of july. we cried like mad too in the morning when we came to bid us goodbye. sang "without gen" for the last time. we skipped assembly, crying in the toilet. then outside the classroom where gen had to leave already. then we stayed back after school to brood.
then we were feeling like the pits that day, having suicidal thoughts. that's where the running away plan came in. when we were depressed like hell. the our fake happiness to EVERYONE. the things we did to FORCE laughter out of our mouths. Joan dancing during art with balloons to cheer herself up. bobbing me joce and nic sleeping heads with those balloons. singing to mdm seah's stupid "artistic" music. omgggg.
then finals, streaming. how we slogged like shit. there was one day i went over to joce's hse to mug while using the gym and swimming. her stuffing the mini cornetto into my mouth while i was crossing the street. laughing like hell all the way to her house. non-stop.
there's no use denying that our clique drifted. cos we did. like mad. it's just not the same anymore. EVERYTHING. i'm much closer to joce and nic now. we bonded moresince we're in the same class. but i DO miss gen and joan like SHIT. =((((( i miss the way i lived my life before i you walked in. ohgod. =((( i want it back. i want originalffis back. i want 2/5 back. i want art, music, dnt and home econs back. i want 2005 back. but good things never last. ever. i gotta deal with it. this STUPID CRUEL fact of life. I wish, that, for JUST ONE DAY, i could be a 2/5iver again. just one day. that's MUCHMUCHMUCH MORE than enough to make me be over the moon, jumping for joy. but it'll never happen.
Life's never fair.
I walked another route, since someone followed me the last time. haha. i dare not walk there agn. Anyways. I walked tasha to the playground. where manymany things happened. Tons of memories there. I sat down on the platform where i first learnt to play king's castle. Gen taught us. I sat there and thought. picturing the old times agn. It was also the playground gen left us so abruptly, letting us think that it would be the last time we would see her ever. me and nic were there. we sat under the pyramid in silence for very long, sad like hell.
I rmb when we learnt that gen was leaving, we wanted to spend as much quality time as we could with her. alomost everyday after school, we would go to either joce's or mine and gen's hse playground. =((((( i miss it so damn much. ohgod. Now, i can still rmb the exact same feeling. we did stupid things, sick stuff, complained like hell abt the sun, gossiped like mad, played "laughing game" , truth or dare or just talked. omg.. i miss it so much!!! i would give anything just to rewind time and go back to THAT period. arghh. i videoed or dares and recorded our truths. on my phone. i rmb how we were so reluctant to confess our answers to gen's sick truths. or do those dumb dares we were made to do. omg. i want those times back. so much. and gen edited the song rockabye baby. "Rockabye baby, on the tree top, when the wind blows, the stephy will DROP!!" and push me off the rocking springy horse that i was riding. She videoed that on her phone when we first when to that playground after school when i walked her home. I videoed HER on my phone the 2nd time. and pushed her off the springy horse too. and i videoed everyone too. nic and joce on the swings, joce swinging anyhow-ly and nic swinging super ultra high. Joan on another rocking springy animal, fanning herself with her hand, a scrunched up face cos of the sun. us making fun of what ppl wrote on the playground. i rmb joan and gen snorting at the name "Hongz-squared" Gen was saying "hong hong" in that girly voice. hahahaha. then we'll play catching and fisherman's net and all those childish games. i rmb i partnered joan for fisherman's net and since gen joce nic were uncatchable, me and joan whisper whisper and decided to just split up to catch them. god. so fun. and we were screaming like shit. and gen with her long winded way of playing open numbers. and we complained that she was so "lor-soh". hahaha. gosh. i miss it sooooo much. no words can describe how bad i want those times back. seriously. i was tearing already, so i got off the platform and walked away before i started crying.
but well, people changed, things happened, situations are different. nothing is the same anymore. that's so fucking sad. i really miss it. The day's of sec2. being in 2/5. the loudness of aisha's voice yelling "Good morning" every morning when everyone entered the classroom. my perfect window seat, which i got super excited whenever i breeze blew. crapping with jana non-stop. teasing her. choreographing steps for cheerleading and zany with her. mrs tan and her lameness. the almost stress-free days which we had. staying back everyday to do dramatisation. having the whole of the classroom to ourselves. eating at spc for an hour plus before going back to school to do dramatisation. we will write our whole script on the board and erase cos we feel guilty if anyone enters. we'll video ourselves acting and laugh over it. and continue munching on snacks that we bought from spc. i still kept the ahloke script we acted out for lit. i read through it today. =(((
and the period gen was leaving, we also always go to joce's condo everyday to play. her playground is the BEST. when we played king's castle, gen would use the ladder. nic would use the fireman pole. joce and joan would climb up by the slide. me, i'll use the staircase. cos it's the easiest. and i rmb how we'll yell out in satisfaction when we got onto the platform successfully. ohgod. and we wrote the song "Without Gen" To the tune of billy S. by skye sweetnam, Gen's favourite song then.
and when we go out, gen will always be fickle and take a whole fifteen minutes whether she wanted to buy sth, and then NOT buy it. i rmb the impatient groans we made. and when we took neos, gen will mess some of them up and then refuse to take it cos we dont want. damn!! i want those times back now! plus, that time you were nobody to me. i wasnt sufferring like how i did for eight months plus until now. it was so carefree, those days. our shopping trips, our photoshoots, our games, etcetc. everything was fun. everything. i wanna re-live last year. go back in time.
And during gen's farewell party, after we sang the song "without gen" and "gen loves boobs" to the tune of barney, i rmb how we cried like shit in the PANTRY. and we went to the toilet to cry somemore. hugging everybody. begging gen NOT to go. the sleepover. omgggg.=(((((((((
and the day that gen left. 1st of july. we cried like mad too in the morning when we came to bid us goodbye. sang "without gen" for the last time. we skipped assembly, crying in the toilet. then outside the classroom where gen had to leave already. then we stayed back after school to brood.
then we were feeling like the pits that day, having suicidal thoughts. that's where the running away plan came in. when we were depressed like hell. the our fake happiness to EVERYONE. the things we did to FORCE laughter out of our mouths. Joan dancing during art with balloons to cheer herself up. bobbing me joce and nic sleeping heads with those balloons. singing to mdm seah's stupid "artistic" music. omgggg.
then finals, streaming. how we slogged like shit. there was one day i went over to joce's hse to mug while using the gym and swimming. her stuffing the mini cornetto into my mouth while i was crossing the street. laughing like hell all the way to her house. non-stop.
there's no use denying that our clique drifted. cos we did. like mad. it's just not the same anymore. EVERYTHING. i'm much closer to joce and nic now. we bonded moresince we're in the same class. but i DO miss gen and joan like SHIT. =((((( i miss the way i lived my life before i you walked in. ohgod. =((( i want it back. i want originalffis back. i want 2/5 back. i want art, music, dnt and home econs back. i want 2005 back. but good things never last. ever. i gotta deal with it. this STUPID CRUEL fact of life. I wish, that, for JUST ONE DAY, i could be a 2/5iver again. just one day. that's MUCHMUCHMUCH MORE than enough to make me be over the moon, jumping for joy. but it'll never happen.
Life's never fair.
07 March, 2006
9:46 PM
All at once,
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
You're not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once,
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell,
And all my dreams were shattered all at once
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely see
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
All at once,
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms,
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely see
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
I finally took a moment and I'm realizing that
You're not coming back
And it finally hit me all at once
All at once,
I started counting teardrops and at least a million fell
My eyes began to swell,
And all my dreams were shattered all at once
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely see
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
All at once,
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms,
And all my dreams were shattered, all at once
All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories, all at once
Ever since I met you
You're the only love I've known
And I can't forget you
Though I must face it all alone
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely see
Wishing you'd come back to me
And that's all that matters now
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea
Holding on to memories
And it hurts me more than you know
So much more than it shows
All at once
i miss you so bloody much. but those times are gone. gonegonegonegonegone. =((((( fuck.
"Tell me what's wrong!"
"Everything."
06 March, 2006
9:21 PM
yay! i'm copying some of my songs from itunes to an empty disc.
okay it's completed. =)
haha today i forced myself to stay awake in the bus. i kept dozing off. and this woman beside me kept leaning on me. i was damn scared she dropped her head onto my shoulder. lol. but she didnt. at the stop before mine, i forced myself to open my eyes. haha.
god i'm damn bored. lalala. i finished all my hw already. well except phy and chem tuition but heck that la. damn lazy. haha.
ohoh you know i'm addicted to "Over it" by Anneliese Van Der Pol. =)) damndamndamndamndamn NICEE.
How could you know
That behind my eyes a sad girl cried
And how could you know
That i hurt so much inside
And how could you know
That i'm not the average girl
I'm carrying the weight of the world
YEAH!
So can you get me outta here
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Over It
oh joce made this thing for me and nic with the lines "If i lighten up a little bit, Then i will be Over It" haha. damn sweet. It's in our files! She made it quite a while ago.
i cant wait for the day you're completely out of my mind, heart and dreams.
*thanks for cheering me up truckloads. =))
okay it's completed. =)
haha today i forced myself to stay awake in the bus. i kept dozing off. and this woman beside me kept leaning on me. i was damn scared she dropped her head onto my shoulder. lol. but she didnt. at the stop before mine, i forced myself to open my eyes. haha.
god i'm damn bored. lalala. i finished all my hw already. well except phy and chem tuition but heck that la. damn lazy. haha.
ohoh you know i'm addicted to "Over it" by Anneliese Van Der Pol. =)) damndamndamndamndamn NICEE.
How could you know
That behind my eyes a sad girl cried
And how could you know
That i hurt so much inside
And how could you know
That i'm not the average girl
I'm carrying the weight of the world
YEAH!
So can you get me outta here
Take me away
We'll jump in the car
Drive til the gas runs out and then walk so far
That we can't
See this place anymore
Take a day off
Give it a rest
So i can forget about this mess
If i lighten up a little bit,
Then i will be
Over It
oh joce made this thing for me and nic with the lines "If i lighten up a little bit, Then i will be Over It" haha. damn sweet. It's in our files! She made it quite a while ago.
i cant wait for the day you're completely out of my mind, heart and dreams.
*thanks for cheering me up truckloads. =))
04 March, 2006
6:10 PM
my god. i hate saturdays. a hell lot. from 1 to 3 i have english tuition the 4 to 5.30 i got physics. i can die.
i'm trying really really really HARD to forget this. just.. fucking forget it and move on. i know there's no point sticking. i'll never get what i want. i was so FUCKING sad in school ytd when nic told me sth. like so sad until i cant open my mouth to talk. =(( there's really nothing i can do but to watch in the fucking shadows. i'm not pityng myself. Just stating facts.
but at night when annabel called me, she told me sth that cheered me up alot alot alot. =)) thanks!! haha. hmm.
i'm gonna let go. resist all my stupid fantasies and just.. let go.
cos i wont get anything by holding on.
i hate you, but i love you, i cant stop thinking 'bout you.
i'm trying really really really HARD to forget this. just.. fucking forget it and move on. i know there's no point sticking. i'll never get what i want. i was so FUCKING sad in school ytd when nic told me sth. like so sad until i cant open my mouth to talk. =(( there's really nothing i can do but to watch in the fucking shadows. i'm not pityng myself. Just stating facts.
but at night when annabel called me, she told me sth that cheered me up alot alot alot. =)) thanks!! haha. hmm.
i'm gonna let go. resist all my stupid fantasies and just.. let go.
cos i wont get anything by holding on.
i hate you, but i love you, i cant stop thinking 'bout you.
02 March, 2006
10:52 PM
i was damn sleepy today. in the morning i wasnt. i rmb joce whining that she was super tired and sleepy. haha. but in the bus on the way home i slept and my phone slipped out of my hand! haha! i heard a thud and then i was wondering why my right hand felt so empty. i realised my phone was missing. so i opened my eyes groggily and felt blindly ard. then i saw in on the floor. omg so embarrassing. haha. i picked it out and stuffed it way inside my bag. haha. and i drifted off to sleep agn. when i woke up, i didnt recognise where is was, then i was thinking "shit! where the hell am I? fuck i'm lost!" then i recognised bowen sec sch which was kinda near my hse. i missed the stop already so i got off at the next one.which was THREE stops away from my hse. wth!! god. joce told me that she scared this kinda things happen to her so she bites her lips or pinch herself to keep herself awake. haha i think i shall try that. but that blur ass missed her stop even though she was WIDE AWAKE. lol!
don't be so sad.. it makes me sad too. we're always here for you. and i'll try to help you as much as i can help myself. we're in the same situation right? we'll get over it together. =))
i cant believe that some ppl could be so mean. to THAT extend. god. i think over a thousand words can describe how cruel you are. and i'm not the only one who thinks this way. good. well, you got your wish. i hope you're happy like shit now. how could i once have been so stupid ?
don't be so sad.. it makes me sad too. we're always here for you. and i'll try to help you as much as i can help myself. we're in the same situation right? we'll get over it together. =))
i cant believe that some ppl could be so mean. to THAT extend. god. i think over a thousand words can describe how cruel you are. and i'm not the only one who thinks this way. good. well, you got your wish. i hope you're happy like shit now. how could i once have been so stupid ?
01 March, 2006
10:54 PM
yay! photoshoot again. woots! haha so fun. this time we really bothered to dress up and all. like change outfits and stuff. =)
mine is the last 34. the first and second sets are in joce's and nic's blogs. when we dress up and stuff. go see k! =)))
mine is the last 34. the first and second sets are in joce's and nic's blogs. when we dress up and stuff. go see k! =)))