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haha. i have no self-control at all. told myself i wont come online this whole week but i did. haha. god. why am i such a coward?? i dont even dare to do a simple thing like THAT! argh!! i cant do any frigging thing right?! omg. i'm bloody useless. i think i did badly for amath test. got distracted and stuff and i just wasnt thinking straight! so obviously i didnt concentrate on the ca. fuck.after that. i felt like SHIT. diaried in my notebook. seriously felt like crying. everything's going WRONG. nothing TODAY was right. like every freaking minute of the day i felt like crap. like a useless good-for-nothing coward. i would be better off dead.haha my dream last night was seriously WEIRD! it began like our class had some educational trip so we went out of singapore. me nic joce shared a hotel room. we were very excited and all that.then we had to go into the sea. the weather was really nice. not too cloudy, not too hot. then i turned ard and saw this beautiful array of clouds. they were all so low to the sea and so puffy. looked like flowers. i rmb telling joce and we were oohing and aahing at them. then we listened to whatever the instructor was saying. and i turned behind again, and saw these HUGE giant waves. like 10 storeys high. suddenly occured to me that it was a tsunami. was really scared out of my wits. we were in the middle of the ocean and there was definitely no way out. i screamed. felt so hopeless. i rmb nic crying. joce for some reason or the other, asked us to take cover under the wave nearest to us. it was sand beneath our feet even though we were in the middle of the ocean. i was thinking and praying HARD that i wont die there and then. drowning wasnt the way i wanted to die. i've always been scared of the waters and like when i watch movies when ppl are drowning,i cant sit still. i'd jump all over the place and feel what they are feeling. even though i'm safe and dry at home. i was hysterical cos i didnt get to tell someone sth yet. i couldnt stop crying. then the waves hit us. it just crashed on us. the ten storey waves.miraculously, we didnt die. i rmb struggling to stay afloat and gasping and spitting out the seawater. there was 5 of us. even though the whole class came. i forgot who else other than nic and joce. isnt that really strange? why would i dream that? nic said sth like when i think i'm going to die, i'll survive through it. vidhu said that the only way across things is THROUGH it. i thought that maybe i'm missing the obvious hints in life. like those clouds. i should've thought sth was wrong right? instead of just gawking at it, stupidly. haha i think all three guesses make a lot of sense. it's exactly like what i'm going through now. but a tsunami?? what a wierd example. haha. but then agn, half of my dreams came true. and they were ALL negative. this cant possibly come true right..? it's too major an issue. isnt it?
